Cynicism vs. Skepticism: It’s about Discernment – Part 3

by Zach Shelley

Now that we have discussed the different ways our communication may be misconstrued, I’ll lay out a few examples that may have been experienced in the workplace as either the communicator or the receiver.  I will also list examples of similar communications that use more beneficial and helpful vocabulary.  These examples will also show the need for clarity and specificity in our leadership based directives.

It can help people immensely to remove certain words from their vocabularies. For example, many theorists suggest that the word “should” is detrimental when used in advising statements.  This has been the subject of many studies, but for now, understand that the removal of “shoulds” from directives can aid in clarity and retention. 

I have some examples and their given alternatives to juxtapose the unintended tones that we may be communicating with the beneficial messages that will aid in cultivating better relationships.

1. “This project isn’t ready, take it back and finish it.”
• This project needs more refining; here are some suggestions that will help move the work forward.
2. “You should spend more time with the team.”
• You may find that if you spent more time with the other team members you may find it easier to communicate with them in the future.
3. “I need you to get this project done using my specific methods.”
• I would like you to use this method for completing this project because it will allow us to better study these specific benefits.

In each of these examples, we see how words can affect the tone of the delivery. 

In the first example, the use of refining calls attention to the work that has already been accomplished while still communicating the need for continued work.

In the second example, we can avoid giving advice and asserting our unsupported opinion by dropping the use of “should.”  Furthermore, by communicating the reason for the suggestion we avoid any kind of resentment founded in reasonless commands.

In the final example, we avoid the “because I told you too” application of leadership and inform associates of the reasons behind a specific set of actions.  By communicating the reasons involved in our methods not only will team members better understand the need for certain requirements, they may better understand their role and function in the team or department framework. 

We will revisit some of these examples in future weeks and take a longer look at the research surrounding cultivating vocabulary, positive affect and its benefits in both intrapersonal and interpersonal relationships.