Cynicism vs. Skepticism: It’s about Discernment – Part 3

by Zach Shelley

Now that we have discussed the different ways our communication may be misconstrued, I’ll lay out a few examples that may have been experienced in the workplace as either the communicator or the receiver.  I will also list examples of similar communications that use more beneficial and helpful vocabulary.  These examples will also show the need for clarity and specificity in our leadership based directives.

It can help people immensely to remove certain words from their vocabularies. For example, many theorists suggest that the word “should” is detrimental when used in advising statements.  This has been the subject of many studies, but for now, understand that the removal of “shoulds” from directives can aid in clarity and retention. 

I have some examples and their given alternatives to juxtapose the unintended tones that we may be communicating with the beneficial messages that will aid in cultivating better relationships.

1. “This project isn’t ready, take it back and finish it.”
• This project needs more refining; here are some suggestions that will help move the work forward.
2. “You should spend more time with the team.”
• You may find that if you spent more time with the other team members you may find it easier to communicate with them in the future.
3. “I need you to get this project done using my specific methods.”
• I would like you to use this method for completing this project because it will allow us to better study these specific benefits.

In each of these examples, we see how words can affect the tone of the delivery. 

In the first example, the use of refining calls attention to the work that has already been accomplished while still communicating the need for continued work.

In the second example, we can avoid giving advice and asserting our unsupported opinion by dropping the use of “should.”  Furthermore, by communicating the reason for the suggestion we avoid any kind of resentment founded in reasonless commands.

In the final example, we avoid the “because I told you too” application of leadership and inform associates of the reasons behind a specific set of actions.  By communicating the reasons involved in our methods not only will team members better understand the need for certain requirements, they may better understand their role and function in the team or department framework. 

We will revisit some of these examples in future weeks and take a longer look at the research surrounding cultivating vocabulary, positive affect and its benefits in both intrapersonal and interpersonal relationships.

Cynicism vs. Skepticism: It’s about Discernment

by Zach Shelley

It has recently been communicated to me that I, in some circumstances, act like a cynic.  I have also been called pessimistic.  Although I initially thought that this was just so those other people could feel better about themselves, it did force to reflect on myself.  [ Enter sly grin. ]  If our perceptions filter and set our realities these assessments could mean that I am coloring my world in a very dark way.  In my defense I would assert that I am not a cynic, but a realist.  To some extent, I might also self-diagnose myself as an idealist or critically minded.  To this, I asked, “What aspects of my life have attracted such labels?”

I believe in planning for worst case scenarios, preparing plan B’s, and assuming that whatever project I am working on will be more difficult than originally expected and most likely take 10-25% longer than I initially hoped that it does.  I count on the fact that when working with a team of people, regardless of specific or preset standards, there will be some role sharing throughout the team to help everyone, including myself.  I do make assumptions based on individual actions about their motivations, but try to study every side of a given perspective before settling on an assessment. 

I would submit that these actions are discerning rather than cynical.  Planning and at times assuming for worst case scenarios is not always clouded in negativity.  The way I communicate these philosophies may be a greater part of the problem than my actual ideology.  Cynicism can often hide behind designations such as realist, careful, or mistrusting.  Those of us who are more “careful” may be projecting a very different persona than we realize.

Dictionary.com gives a fairly dark definition of cynics:

Cynic – A person who believes that only selfishness motivates human actions and who disbelieves in or minimizes selfless acts or disinterested points of view.

Based on this definition, I want to exemplify the opposite of such a person.  If we look at the definition of cynical, we have a slightly different set of interpretations:

1. Distrusting or disparaging the motives of others; like or characteristic of a cynic.
2. Showing contempt for accepted standards of honesty or morality by one's actions, especially by actions that exploit the scruples of others.
3. Bitterly or sneeringly distrustful, contemptuous, or pessimistic.

These definitions are broader in their applications, but no less dark. 

For those of us labeled cynics, what can we derive from such designations?  It is a dangerous and unflattering title to be sure.  It is something I neither want to exemplify or give any credence to.  I believe in the power of words as well as well-defined definitions and vocabulary.  Communication can be a difficult process at the best of times.  There is no need to muddy the waters further with inappropriate labels, definitions, or assumptions.

That being said, we must take a deep look into what we are communicating.  We may be projecting a façade or ideology that precipitates labels such as “cynic” rather than “preparedness” or “problem-solving.”  When “cynics” are exercising their reasoning skills to eliminate outcomes, barriers, or assess future consequences, it can sometimes be difficult to understand what they are really trying to do.  I would argue that what they are really attempting is to discern appropriate responses and eventualities. 

Discernment is not a negative activity.  It can be the founding aspect of virtuosity and wisdom.  It can allow for the making of right decisions and the avoidance of undue or unnecessary outcomes.  Discernment allows for sober-minded and informed responses to circumstances both inside and outside of us.

The challenge is to communicate discernment and earnest assessment without spreading damaging qualities.

Wednesday, we will look at specific questions we can ask ourselves, our associates, and friends to help gather the information we require while maintaining a high level of discernment and problem solving. 

References

Cynic [Def. 1]. (n.d.). In Dictionary.com, Retrieved from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/cynic?s=t

Cynical [Def. 1-3]. (n.d.). In Dictionary.com, Retrieved from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/cynical?s=t